Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.
— Oscar Wilde.
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BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE –
0;p THE MERRY JESTS OF WITTGENSTEIN #4 By Louis Phillips No mask. No reading. NOTES FROM A DIARY Even in a medieval cottage Illuminated by erotic wattage Of souls in collision & collusion, Love is nothing if not specific. ** Even if this sentence were false, you would read it all the way to its conclusion. ** John Keats’ “Ode on a Grecian Urn” is disguised as this this simple sentence. The disguise was nearly perfect until one astute reader penetrated its clever cover. The first word of this sentence is missing, but it still makes sense. WHO SAYS Stand up & listen. Who says Poetry cannot work miracles? Consider this: It is a miracle I can Write these words. ** Verschlimmbessern In order to improve this quatrain I decided to add in the 3rd line The German word verschlimmbessern To rattle around in your brain; You cannot hug it to your bosom. Obviously it does not make This poem any better. What’s a rhyme for verschlimmbessern? ** Every third word in this weird sentence will begin with the letter W at some weird future time. WARNING If you shackle yourself to this sentence, you will be forcibly removed, taken to an undisclosed location and interrogated, beaten, and waterboarded until you tell how and why you did such a foolish thing. *** WHO, NOT KNOWING Mistakes are with us like the crack of dawn. Who, not knowing, How fragile the morning is, Dropped it? This sentence once was only four words long. If this sentence does not convey any information, then why does it exist? ** No animals of any kind were killed or injured in Making this sentence. ** Underneath this sentence is another sentence that praises whoever reads it. Unfortunately, this sentence is on top of it and cannot be moved. This sentence ends here. Sorry for any inconvenience. ** Old riddle What is the longest English word? SMILES There is a mile between the first & last letter. ** TRACER OF LOST POEMS This poem has been missing From the better anthologies For more than 5 decades. Aren’t you glad that it has been found? ** Any resemblance between the words in this sentence and any real words is purely coincidental. ** Feel free to add any words you wish to this interactive sentence. ** All the words in this sentence appear closer to the reader than they really are. URANIA Whirling electric Muse of Astronomy Descends with “star-bespangled” song To confess: Copernicus, with his heresy Has been proven wrong: This poem is the center of the Universe & you, Dear Reader, Are its beloved satellite. You orbit, Orbit all around it. ** CAUTION—VIRUS WARNING No word in this sentence wears a mask, nor is any word six feet away from any other word.
BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE
LETTERS TO THE EDITORS or AS YOU LIKE IT humor by Louis Phillips When icicles hang by the wall And Dick the shepherd blows his nail And Tom bears logs into the hall, And milk comes frozen home in pail. When blood is nipped and ways be foul, Then nightly sings the staring owl, Tu-who; Tu-whit, tu-who: a merry note, While greasy Joan doth keel the pot. When all aloud the wind doth blow; And coughing drowns the parson’s saw, And birds sit brooding in the snow, And Marian’s nose looks red and raw, When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl, Then nightly sings the staring owl, Then nightly sings the staring owl, Tu-who; Tu-whit, tu-who; a merry note, While greasy Joan doth keel the pot. William Shakespeare If Shakespeare had published “Winter” today, the letter column of every book review section in the nation would be filled to overflowing. For example: Dear Editors: I recently was astonished to read in your publication a poem by some new poet (if we can call him by that designation) named William Shakespeare. His poem “Winter” is offensive to all your women readers. It does not take a scholar to notice that when he mentions males (Tom and Dick) he makes no disparaging remarks about their physical appearance. Yet, when Mr. Shakespeare remarks upon Joan, he calls her “greasy” and when he writes about Marian he notes only that her nose “looks red and raw.” How insulting. If you wish to encourage male chauvinism you may do so without my subscription. Sincerely, A. Merryweather Chairwoman, Equal Time in Literature *** Dear Editor: Mr. Shakespeare’s (I assume that it is a pen-name) hatred of religion, as evidenced by the line “And coughing drowns the parson’s saw” is a misguided attack on all faithful churchgoers. We who attend religious services, even when the weather is foul, deserve more respect. I am tired of reading poems celebrating godlessness. Please cancel my subscription. Sincerely, Reverend Arthur Montroy III *** Dear Editor: I don’t know much about poetry (just what I read in your publication while waiting in my dentist’s office) but I do know a thing or two about owls. Recently, I was perturbed to read a contribution by some upstart crow named W. Shakespeare. Show me an owl that goes Tu-who, Tu-whit, and I’ll eat it. In the future, if you persist in your misguided efforts in publishing nature poets, then please locate a poet who knows something about his subject. No wonder poetry is in such decline. You might recall I wrote a similar letter to you when you published John Keat’s execrable sonnet wherein he had Cortez discovering the Pacific Ocean. Perhaps you should consider dropping poetry from your publication altogether. Yours, Quigley Horsefahr, President of Accuracy in Poetry *** Dear Editor: I recently borrowed a copy of your literary rag and I could not help but notice how your learned journal persists in its prejudice against shepherds. In a poem by a Mr. William Shakespeare, he shows all persons doing something positive (keeling pots, whatever the hell that means, or bearing logs into the hall) but he portrays shepherds as being lazy and egotistical, fit for doing nothing but blowing upon their fingernails. Let Mr. Shakespeare be warned! If we shepherds ever get hold of him, we shall teach him a thing or do publication would do well to portray the simple, hard-working shepherd in a more favorable light. Yours, Tom David Chinminn, President of Teamsters Local 79675 (Shepherds’ Division) *** Hey Yo! How come you’re always publishing poems about cold. What’s wrong with Summer or Spring? Get with it. Your readers would enjoy some other seasons for a change. Yours in the heat of the sun. Jack Frost *** My dear persons: Is it not possible to pick up your review without encountering more literary efforts endorsing the exploitation of the working classes? Sure, let poor Tom bear logs into some rich person’s hall. How much is poor Tom getting paid to do all this heavy work? Probably less than minimum wage. Most likely, he’s not getting paid at all. If you don’t show more sensitivity to the plight of the blue collar or even the no collar worker, then I suggest you pack it in. You haven’t published a decent working-class poem since “Man With a Hoe.” Now that’s the kind of poetry you should be publishing. Yours on the way to my night job, Harding Question, Esq. *** Dear Editor: Is your gray-eyed boy Shakespeare seriously suggesting that our little town is not safe? The line “When blood is nipped and ways be foul,” is an offense to our to our town council. We demand a written apology. Sincerely, Town Council Hey you! Sure, let your readers think it is not good to order milk in winter. What is the is propaganda Bill Shakespeare insinuates into nearly every poem he writes? I refer specifically to the line, “And milk comes frozen home in pail.” When we deliver milk, we make certain that our customers get what they order and unfrozen too. Everyone knows that Mr. Shakespeare has it in for us dairy farmers and milk-persons ever since a dairymaid told the constable about his deer poaching. We demand a retraction. And on the front page of your next issue. Yours truly, Howard Raftrough American Union of Home Milk Deliverers **
ADVICE TO THE READER Noel Coward advised a young actor “Memorize the lines & don’t bump into the furniture.” The same advice cd apply To all readers of this poem: Memorize the lines, But if you want to bump into a table or two, Go ahead & do so. Who am I to tell you what to do?
TREES We’ve learned a lot about trees recently. Apparently they communicate with one another via chemicals that waft on the wind and via a fungal network underground. They warn of parasites, they feed their fellows in time of need. Like people are surprisingly social –they are at their best when there are many grouped together. David Byrne . “By the Book “ in The New York Times Book Review (October 11,2020)
BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE
BUMPER STICKERS
Keep America beautiful -- eat a beer can.
**
Support your President; burn a copy of the Constitution.
(during the second term of George W. Bush; today more
applicable than ever)
**
God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends
My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
Senior Citizen: Give Me My Damn Discount
(Spotted on a passing motorcycle)
If You Can Read This, My Wife Fell Off
Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did a Little Shopping
What If the Hokey Pokey Is Really What It's All About?
Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some Things Are Just Better Rich
Gravity...It's Not Just a Good Idea. It's the Law
If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen
If at First You Don't Succeed, Skydiving Isn't for You
The Trouble With the Gene Pool Is That There's No Lifeguard
Get a New Car for Your Spouse. It'll Be a Great Trade
Wanted: Meaningful Overnight Relationship
Anything Not Worth Doing Is Not Worth Doing Well
A Day Without Sunshine is Like Night
First Things First, but Not Necessarily in That Order
Old Age Comes at a Bad Time
In America, Anyone Can Be President.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone real bad... Are you real bad?
BEAUTY is in the eye of the beer holder.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
NEBRASKA: At least the cows are sane.
God must love stupid people...He made so many.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
HONK ... If You Want To See My Finger
God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
5 days a week my body is a temple.
bThe other two, it's an amusement park.
EARTH FIRST! -We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...
or something like that.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask
an Native American!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
Nature always bats last.
**
OUTSIDE OF THIS HOUR ON THE SEA Outside of this hour on the sea. We imagine the Antipodes Where the sun rises at midnight &, as Theocritus sd: “In sleep, every dog dreams of food.” But when I dream, I am wandering in a house Near the ocean Where the waves are black & high. It is my house & not my house , & persons inside are quarreling Because I am late, or early, or lost. Inside this house, There is always a room I have never known about, Did not know it existed. A door opens. Inside is a woman. She stands with her arms Folded across her chest, A sign of modesty or diffidence. “Enter,” she says. “Enter.” Through a window, the sea surges. Breaking waves seem to ask: Why are you here? Where are you? Outside of this hour on the sea, Who am I really? Louis Phillips
BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE
UNTITLED -- reprinted from SENTENCED by Louis Phillips (World Audience Books) Available from Amazon “I think a good title is obliged to exist at a more primitive level than clear exposition can provide.” Norman Mailer Titles! Without titles, how would we be able to identify the books we are reading or wish to read? Titles are to authors what naming babies are to parents. And sometimes what a problem choosing a title or a name is. I wonder –- what did Homer call his epic poems? Did he originally call The Iliad something catchy, such as War and No Peace? Or was it simply known as Homer’s Epic? Forgive me. I am merely wondering out loud what might have been the first literary Work to bear a title? No matter the answer to that question it cannot be denied that giving a title to one’s artistic efforts can be serious business indeed. Case in point: On March 23, 1967, Norman Mailer wrote a letter to Walter Minton of Putnam’s Publishing House in which the author defends the choice of a title for his book –--Why We Are in Vietnam: I think the title will end up working for us. The blurb can start out right away by saying, “Everyone who hears the title thinks that Norman Mailer a political article or a novel about Vietnam, but as you will soon discover, Vietnam is mentioned only once in the book, and then on the last page. Why then the title? The author doesn’t say, but one can assume that in this scandalous, ribald, hilarious and frightening account of a hunting expedition in the Brooks Mountain Range in Alaska etc., etc., Norman Mailer is saying, ‘This perhaps is what we Americans are like, and this may be one of the reasons we’re engaged in such a war.’ Perhaps Mailer is even drawing some parallels between the hunting down of animals and…but forget about the title, this book is going to knock you on your ass. (see THE SELECTED LETTERS OF NORMAN MAILER, edited by J. Michael Lennon Random House, 2014 I find that one of the more revealing passages about how much weight some titles can bear. Playwrights too have struggled to express their understanding of their own works through the choice of a title that might also attract an audience. On March 11, 2015, Erik Piepenburg wrote an article for the New York Times - What I Almost Called My Play: Writers on the Titles They Didn’t Use. In that article, Bathesheba Dawn explained why she abandoned her original title “What Is Not”: I was in the middle of writing the play and I was at a gala. I sat next to this lovely lady who said the play “Bad Jews” sold out in previews. I never considered the idea of a title as a marketing tool, ever. I said, “I’m working on a new play and it’s called ‘What Is Not.’ ” She held up her hand in front of my face and said: “No, don’t do it to yourself! You cannot call your play that.” I went to bed and woke up and I turned to my wife and said, “I’m going to call it “Love & Sex.” I called a friend whom I trust, and she said “ ‘Love & Sex’ is a magenta title, but there is nothing magenta a bout your writing. Your writing is very green, and ‘The Mystery of Love & Sex’ is dark green.” I never doubted it after she said that. I wonder if Shakespeare did much soul searching when it cameto titling his plays for presentation at the Globe Theater. Titles such as Hamlet, Othello, and King Lear seem very forthright.Nothing fancy there. Playwright Sarah Ruhl has noticed that Tragedy is often named for the tragic person – King Lear, Hamlet, Julius Caesar – Whereas comedies draw from the world at large -–As you Like It, The Comedy of Errors, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Tragedy has proper nouns, and comedy has regular old nouns that signify the world and the structure of the world over and above the individual. (Sarah Ruhl. 100 Essays I Don’t Have Time to Write, (Faberand Faber, Inc. 2014) Perhaps it is also worth noting that comedies, because they provide us with a double vision of the human situation –-the discrepancy between what we aspire to be and what we truly are – sometimes carry subtitles: Twelfth Night, or What You Will. Of course, authors can be passionate about their titles choices, but publishers and financial considerations about sales often have a say in the matter. Many readers of The Great Gatsby, of course, are familiar with the fact that F. Scott Fitzgerald originally considered calling it Trimalchio in West Egg, one title among several that passed through his head. It may seem obvious now that any book called Trimalchio in West Egg will not sell very well. Unfortunately, The Great Gatsby didn’t too much for sales either. Frequently Fitzgerald would steal into bookstores to purchase copies of his own book to improve his sales’ record. Here are a few other original titles for well-known books (most, I think, for the better): Twilight – The Sound and the Fury The Chronic Argonaut – The Time Machine The Sea-Cook – Treasure Island Tomorrow is Another Day – Gone With the Wind First Impressions -- Pride and Prejudice The Village Virus – Main Street And so on.* Such lists merely show how important revising and rewriting and rethinking are. Sometimes titles have to be changed because of the pressure of current events. In 2010, It’s because of Frank Sinatra that we use the phrase “Catch-22” today. Well, sort of. Author Joseph Heller tried out Catch-11, but because the original Ocean’s Eleven movie was newly in theaters, it was scrapped to avoid confusion. He also wanted Catch-18, but, again, a recent publication made him switch titles to avoid confusion: Leon Uris’ Mila 18. The number 22 was finally chosen because it was 11 doubled. The Book of Lists 2 gives a slightly different version of the above story of origin, and James Campbell, reviewing Gary Dexter’s Why Not Catch-21? For TLS (September 21, 2007) wrote “The title of Dexter’s book refers to Joseph Heller’s arithmetic. Conceived as Catch-l8. his novel sank to Catch 11, caught up a bit by becoming Catch l4, before making the decisive leap to Catch 22.” But titles being what they are, not all titles are correct and some present other problems of interpretation. For example, as Christopher Hitchens pointed out in Hitch 22 (a title that is itself an allusion to Catch 22) that “ It is characteristic of Martin (Amis) to have pointed out that Dickens’ title Our Mutual Friend contains, or is, a solecism. One can have a common friend but not mutual ones. Titles are sometimes misinterpreted. For example, Colin Fleming once had a professor who believed that the impressive titular number of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea referred to oceanic depth, rather than distance traveled. Many a reader has made the same mistake. ++
TITLES It’s (QUEEN AND COUNTRY) a slightly ironic title, obviously, and I wanted one which had a bit of a ring that associated it with Hope and Glory. And the Queen coming to the throne was quite an important part element of the story. Skiving was my original title – but I was dissuaded, because Americans wouldn’t know the word, and nobody knew how to translate it into other languages. John Boorman in Sight and Sound (July, 2015) In looking over an autumn catalogue, we came across a series of books for young persons in which we were struck by the titles When Mother Let Us Help and When Mother Lets Us Cook. We trust the series will be extended along these lines. If so, we intend to use as gifts for H. 3rd, When Father Lets Me Stoke the Furnace, When Father Lets Me Shine His Shoes, and When Father Lets Me Lend Him Money. Heywood Broun (Woody) Allen’s working title for Annie Hall was “Anhedra” a term coined by the French psychologist Theodule –Armand Ribaud to describe “the inability to experience pleasure from actions usually found enjoyable.” Philip Fiens. (??) “Woody’s Blues” in TLS (October 4, 2013). What’s Up, Tiger Lily (the discreet comma was not always in the title)… New Yorker. “Goings on About Town” (September 3,1973 I once had a professor who believed that the impressive titular number of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea referred to oceanic depth, rather than distance traveled. Colin Fleming Mr. Inge’s title (THE DARK AT THE TOP OF THE TOP STAIRS) is meant to suggest that there is inevitably a certain amount of darkness ahead for all of us as we climb our weary way to Heaven, but his play contains the reassuring message that a good many of the terrors infesting the gloom are imaginary and that the real ones can usually be defeated if we can only meet them hand in hand. Wolcott Gibbs. Reviewing William Inge’s play For The New Yorker (December 14, 1957) Why it is an absolute fantasy. Even the title doesn’t exist: there is no such reading on a compass as north by northwest. Alfred Hitchcock It is characteristic of Martin (Amis) to have pointed out that Dickens’ title Our Mutual Friend contains, or is, a Solecism. One can have a common friend but not mutual ones. Christopher Hitchens. Hitch 22 (a title that is a punning reference to Catch 22. Don Juan in Hull Title of an essay by Clive James about the poet Philip Larkin ** The title of Dexter’s book refers to Joseph Heller’s arithmetic. Conceived as Catch-l8. his novel sank to Catch 11, caught up a bit by becoming Catch l4, before making the decisive leap to Catch 22. James Campbell, reviewing Gary Dexter’s Why Not Catch-21? for TLS (September 21, 2007) ** SHEILA LEVINE IS DEAD AND LIVING IN NEW YORK (1975)] If the title were not meant to be satiric or witty, but merely an unerringly accurate description of the film’s content and mood, then it is the only thing about the movie that works. William K. Everson in Films in Review (March 1975) If you think the title (“A BEAUTIFUL LIFE”) stinks, try the movie. Anthony Lane ** “Now listen, he (Herman Levin) said, “we’ve got to have a title. People have to know the name of what they have seen so they can tell their friends to go see it!” His logic was irrefutable, “Call it anything,” he went on.“you can always change it on the road. After all when Oklahoma opened it was Away We Go.” “Why don’t we just take the title we dislike the least ,” I suggested. There was a collective, apathetic nod. After a brief summary of all the candidates, we decided the title we found the least indigestible was My Fair Lady, and with a helpless shrug we agreed to it. A few months later we all thought it was brilliant -–except Fritz (composer Frederick Loewe), who still liked ‘fanfaroon.’ Alan Jay Lerner. The Street Where I Live. (W.W.Norton Company, 1968). Herman Levin was The producer of the theater musical My Fair Lady. When Browning published series of eight volumes of poems in the six years preceding his marriage, he called them Bells and Pomengranates. He thought everyone would immediately understand the significance of the title and nobody did, Finally he explained that by “Bells” he meant sound and by “Pomengranates” he meant sense; and that the two words together signified the union in good poetry of music and meat, or sound and sense.” William Lyon Phelps. Yearbook. (New York: The Macmillan Company,1935. P.14. ON GETTING THE RIGHT TITLE FOR A MYSTERY NOVEL On my Christmas Holiday I decided to read a mystery by Brett Halliday -- Murder and the Married Virgin with Mike Shayne. It’s a title I can’t get out of my brain. LJP ** Queenie’s Whim is a title I cannot forget. It is the title of a novel I do not expect or want to read. The novel was by Rosa Nonchette Carey, whose readers must now be fewer than they were. William Plomer. Electric Delights Some years later, he ( Jeffrey Farnol) wrote The Amateur Gentleman – a rather curious title, for could there be a professional gentleman? William Lyon Phelps. Yearbook. (New York: The Macmillan Company,1935. P.14. In the reference room of the old Donnell Library in Manhattan there was once a one-volume reference book titled INDEX TO WOMEN. It’s a title that gives me great pleasure and one that invokes numerous fantasies, The full title is INDEX TO WOMEN OF THE WORLD FROM ANCIENT TO MODERN TIMES: BIOGRAPHIES AND PORTRAITS by Norma Olin Ireland. Louis Phillips He (GORE VIDAL) once joked to me that he meant to call his first memoir An Actor Prepares, cadging the title from Stanislavski. Instead, he called it Palimpsest , ‘a word that no one will no,’ he said. ‘But then it’s a life nobody will know, particularly after reading the book.” Michael Mewshaw. Sympathy For the Devil. Why “Dangerous Turns”? Because in many of my novels the characters – family, couple, or isolated individuals -- suddenly find themselves facing an event that will change their destinies. Had I not had Maigret dream of a profession that, unfortunately, does not exist, that of “Mender of Destinies. Georges Simenon. – Intimate Memories (Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1984) **
MOAT “Man who builds castles in the air; fantasizer,” Somedays I feel like a toad in mudwort. But I am at an age now Where I no longer care About building castles in the air. What I worry about now is the moat. Louis Phillips
BITS & PIECES OFA MISPLACED LIFE-Book Issue
“I speak a lot of time working in saloons… I was a kid… They paid you and the checks didn’t bounce. I didn’t meet any Nobel Prizewinners in saloons but if Francis of Assisi was a singer and worked in saloons he would have met the same guys.” Frank Sinatra, quoted by Pete Hamill, reported also in “Sinatra’s Song” by John Lahr in Profiles (The New Yorker, November 3, 1997) ** NEW BOOK BY ROBERT KARMON ROBERT KARMON The Resettlement of Isaac https://pleasureboatstudio.com/product/the-resettlement-of-isaac/ Order directly from the Publisher, $18.00, apple e-book B&N Nook ROBERT KARMON The Resettlement of Isaac New pub date: August 15th PRE-ORDER $18 Order both for 25% off with coupon code: Isaac_set A theater script, companion piece and sequel to the historical fiction, Isaac, based on the true, incredible story of Isaac Gochman, a 17-year old from Rovno, Poland, who, in one horrific night, survives a Nazi massacre of his entire family along with 20,000 other Jews. Thrust alone into the forest and the wilderness of war, Isaac finds the courage to fight back as a Russian partisan blowing up Nazi trains, and finds the passion to fall deeply in love with Anya, a Russian partisan nurse—in love for the first time in his young life. It is a tragic love that transcends religious differences. Many years later in New York, the elderly Isaac is still haunted by the memory of his first love. His only friend, a young German-American woman, is tormented herself by doubts about her father’s role as a German soldier during the war. Deeply affected by Isaac’s past, she becomes the loving caretaker of his memories after he is gone. The play confirms what Faulkner once wrote, “The past is never dead, it’s not even past.” ROBERT KARMON is an award winning playwright, published poet, s short story writer and published screenwriter, who has worked on screenplays for Columbia pictures, CBS and Eddie Murphy Production. He was a member of Playwrights Horizon and Edward Albee’s Playwrights Unit. As a Professor of Literature and Creative Writing, he has taught at Temple University, Queens College, Hunter college, and is currently Professor Emeritus of Literature and Creative Writing at Nassau Community College in Garden City, Long Island. His book, Isaac was published by Pleasure Boat Studio in 2017. He is married with two daughters and three grandchildren. EXISTENTIALISM Having studied existentialism in an offhand way since 1935, I become more and more convinced that its meaning can be reduced to the following formulation: Existentialism means that no one else take a bath for you. Delmore Schwartz. “Existentialism: The Inside Story” in The Ego is Always at the Wheel.” ** J.D. SALINGER He seemed to regard his literary success as a moral stain, It would be hard to think of a contemporary American writer whose personal life was more true to the ethos of his fiction. Michael Greenberg. The New York Review of Books (March 15, 2010) **
MY SECOND RECOMMENDATION
There should be annual literary award for the wildest, most
outrageously verbal sleigh-ride work of fiction.
BACK TO THE WINE JUG would win hands-down!
It takes a brave author to write a novel in rhyming quatrains
about Diogenes and Victoria Woodhull (yes, that Victoria Woodhull)
return from the underworld to wander through Birmingham,
Alabama, to search for an honest man. Lots of luck! As
Gloria Steinem may or may not have said: "The Truth will
set you free, but first it will piss you off. "
With an unscrupulous and evil J. Edgar Hoover in
hot pursuit of our protagonists, the inventive rhyming plot twists
& turns. Should we worry whether comic writers are essential
workers or not? As for the puns & general word play,
if' the author had lived in an earlier age he would have been
burned at the stake.
Oh Hell, burn him at the stake now in Birmingham and
be done with him.
**
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A PAGE RIPPED UNTIMELY
FROM THE CALENDAR OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS
When I fall in love with a woman who possesses a Latin face,
Noble carriage, or a figure
Promising, on the calendar of earthly delights
A new holiday,
I soon discover, unlike Columbus or Casanova,
She is completely up-to-date,
Contemporaneous with the next century,
Complete with rocket boosters,
Whereas I am wandering, perplexed & lost,
In Late Medieval and Renaissance Europe.
Louis Phillips
BITS &PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE
AMERICA/ AMERICANS Mr. Pennhollow is the symbol of something that Americans, with their instinctive faith in human perfectibility, have always refused to acknowledge. The presence in the world of evil that is not accidental or caused by defective environment but is achieved by deliberate choice over good; evil that wears the calm and self-assurance of the saint. Malcolm Cowley If there is a dirty secret in American life, it is this: The real unifying force in our national cultural and political life, beyond skirmishes over ideology, is white identity masked as universal, neutral and therefore quintessentially American. Michael Eric Dyson in The New York Times Sunday Review (December 18,2016). Reviewing The Angelic Avengers by Pierre Andrezei (pseudonym of t Baroness Karen Blixen) The American attitude, man for man, and woman for woman is coarse, greedy, calculating and insincere. The intention of every individual; is to get as much as he can. And his desire when he gets it is to make as great a show as possible in order to belittle and make insignificant the lives and aspirations of those whom he finds about him. No, this is not a class condition. It is the American temperament. Theodore Dreiser In my country, instead of asking the artist what makes children commit suicide, they go to the Chairman of General Motors and ask him. This is true. If you make a million dollars you know all the answers. William Faulkner. Quoted in “William Faulkner in Japan” by Gay Wilson Allen Modern America is a society in which a growing share of income and wealth is concentrated in the hands of a small number of people and these have huge political influence –in the early stages of the 2016 presidential campaign, around half the contributions came from fewer than 200 wealthy families. Paul Krugman. The New York Times (January 1, 2016) ... America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. David Letterman Aloness is his (EDWARD HOPPER’S) great theme, symbolizing America: insecure selfhoods in a country that is only abstractly a nation. “E Pluribus unum,” a magnificent ideal, thuds on “unum” every day throughout the land. Only law –we’re a polity of lawyers— confers unity on the United States, which sensibly be a Balkans of regional sovereignties had the Civil War not been so awful as to remove that option… Peter Schjeldahl. “Apart: Edward Hopper’s Solitude” in The New Yorker (June 8 & 15, 2020). It would be hard to find a neater emblem of Capitalist America – three minutes of Chekhov taken every day like a pill will strengthen your empathy muscles. Science proves it, James Wood in his PEN/HEMINGWAY Keynote address. ****
America is a nation of liars, and for that reason science fiction has a special claim to be our national literature, as the art form best adapted to telling the lies we like to hear and to pretend we believe. Thomas Disch
IF FOX NEWS REPORTED AMERICAN HISTORY By Louis Phillips January 2, 1863. It was reported yesterday morning on this Network that President Lincoln supposedly issued a Proclamation that promised to free the Slaves. Today, President Lincoln said that he proclaimed no such thing. He says his words were taken out of context (the Civil War) and that he threatens to sue Fake News reporters for libel. Honest Abe will appear on Sean Hannity’s Show tonight at 8 to set the record straight. ** September 23, 1918 – Sean Hannity today declared that The so called Spanish Flu Pandemic is a hoax, a plan set in motion by liberal politicians to make the the current President and his Senate supporters look like a decisive leaders and thus make Democrats invulnerable in the upcoming Congressional election. Fox News is the only station to see through the plot to prevent Republicans from gaining seats in the Senate. The so called Flu is nothing more than a common cold. Senator Warren G, Harding will be on Laura Ingraham’s Midnight Special at 10 A.M. ** November 1 1918 – Sean Hannity says that he never called the Spanish Flu a hoax. In fact, he said, he suspected right away that it was a Pandemic.” I knew It before the President did,” he declared. **
For all the New Yorkers who fight for the city’s soul Every day in ways large and small and who never Forget what a city is. Jeremiah Moss. Vanishing New York: How a Great City Lost Its Soul (New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2017)
BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE
MOVIES The easiest movie to cast and get made is a sexual thriller set at a resort location in the tropics. Every movie star wants a paid vacation, tropical sunshine, swimming in he moonlight. Every movie star wants to have real sex on the beach with his co-star. GUY McELAINE . quoted in Hollywood Animal by Joe Esterhas One always more or less believes to have ‘dreamed’ it when one recalls Claudette Colbert bathing in a pool filled with asses’ milk at the beginning of DeMille’s ‘Sign of the Cross.” Salvador Dali In the world of 2001, people have become so machinelike that the most human character turns out to be a machine –- that’s the essence of Kubrick’s dark prophecy: as we come t o rely on computers to mediate our understanding of the world, it s our own intelligence that flattens into artificial intelligence. Nicholas Carr The Atlantic (July/August 2008) Two or three years ago, I had the impression that everything had already been done, that there was nothing left to do that hadn’t been done before. In short, I was a pessimist. Since Pierrot (Pierre Le Fou) I no longer have this feeling at all. Yes. one has to film everything, to talk about everything. Everything remains to be done. Jean-Luc Godard ** "The commercial cinema is an entertainment or pastime for illiterate selves of an up-to-date 'business civilization' founded on mammon. The sham naturalism, the trendy romanticism, the sentimentality on the one hand with its psychological complement -- brutality-- on the other. The tinned literature and language and music of the cinema have had their big share in the disbasement of the idealistic significance of theatrical performance and workmanship." Theodore Komisarjewsky There’s a scene in John Maybury’s new film Love is the Devil in which Francis Bacon has an orgasm while watching Battleship Potemkin. Now that’s what I call a motion picture. Mark Steyn ** I don’t mean to suggest that film is the source and model of all that is wrong in modern society. But I do think that the world of film, which includes those people who are madly enthusiastic about any film, need to examine very carefully what happens in our minds when we watch endless violent imagery and feel no wound or repercussions. For one, I am no longer confident that a message has not been passed down to several generations, in their bloodstreams, in their nervous systems and in their trigger fingers. David Thomson, See THE INDEPENDENT (October 10,2003), p.4. ** Whatever happened to the good, honest practice of sticking numerals after a sequel’s title to indicate what number it was in the series? I grew up in the days of Jaws 2, Superman III and Police Academy 7 and, whatever the shortcomings of those pictures, at least you knew where you stood. Generally speaking, the higher the number, the worse the film in question was likely to be. Toby Young, The Spectator, l8 August 2007 MOVIE TITLES Can Heironymous Merken Ever Forget Mercy Hummpe and Find True Happiness? $ **' CASTING NEWS THE SOLID GOLD CADILLAC starring Mary Carr BENT with Clarence Straight THE DEER HUNT with Buck Henry and Fawn Hall THE SEARCH FOR THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH -- a musical starring Robert Young, Henny Youngman, Joel Youngblood, with dances choreographed by MIchael Kidd RIP VAN WINKLE with Wayne Sleep VERTIGO with Dizzy Dean THE PHILATELIST with Terrence Stamp THE LIZZY BORDEN STORY with Buddy Hackett, Emmanuel Axe HUCKLEBERRY FINN with Mickey Rivers and George Raft THE CLYDE BEATTY STORY with John Cage, Tiger Woods, Susan Lyons O CALCUTTA! with Max Baer BETRAYAL with Marianne Faithfull K2 with R2D2 FANCY PANTS with Roy Acuff
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MIA FARROW GETS LOST IN MIAMI AND HER DISAPPEARANCE IS REPORTED TO THE POLICE
Farrow, Mia
For a brief time was MIA
In Mia-
mi. Momma mia!
OF DINING & FRENCH CINEMA
As I was eating a souffle'
I thought about
Jean-Luc Godard’s A Bout
De Soufflet
Louis Phillips
BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE:POLITICS
It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others have been tried. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) COMEBACKS When longtime Boston Mayor James M. Curley was speaking during one of his many political campaigns a heckler shouted, "I wouldn't vote for you if you were St. Peter." Curley shout back, "If i were St. Peter, you wouldn't be in my precinct." from I'll Be Sober in the Morning, edited by Charles Lamb (Chsrleston, SC: Frontline Press, Ltd, 2007) *** DEMOCRACY “Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means government by the badly educated.” G.K. Chesterton "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken Notes on Democracy 1926 Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but man's inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary. Reinhold Niebuhr, theologian (1892-1971) ** ANALOGY: Betsy De Vos: Public School Education :: Hannibal Lecter: Gourmet Dining
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS The three towering geniuses of European culture, Shakespeare, Mozart and Lenardo di Vinci, were not allowed to appear on the euro note as they might, in their separate ways , cause offence; mozart because he was a “womanizer”, Shakespeare, because he wrote The Merchant of Venice, a play judged to be anti-semitic, and Leonardo because he was reported to fancy boys. Now the euro note carries a picture of a rather dull bridge. John Mortimer, Where There’s a Will POLITICAL THOUGHT From the Renaissance to the eighteenth century, The impulse behind classic works of political thought was the urge to shape events. Machiavelli wrote to rescue Florence and Italy from internal corruption and external weakness. Jean Bodin desgned a theory of sovereignity that might rescue France from its wars of religion. The Marian exile of the mid-sixteenth century, and John Locke under Charles II, devised justification for resistence to prevent tyranny. Blair Worden in TLS (August 4,2006) POLITICIANS/POLITICS No matter how paranoid you are, what the government is actually doing is worse than you can imagine. William Blum Don’t believe anything until it’s been officially denied. William Blum People used to complain that selling a president was like selling a bar of soap. But when you buy soap, at least you get the soap. In this campaign you just get two guys telling you that they really value cleanliness. David Brooks Somewhere out in the audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and presides over the White House as the President’s spouse. I wish him well. Barbara Bush. College address at Wellsley College on June 1, 1990 Politics? Politics are just like women: get into them seriously and you’re going to come out looking like an earthworm stepped on by a longshoreman’s boot. Charles Bukowski in a letter to Gerald Locklin (August 2, 1981) Political conflicts are merely surface manifestations. If conflicts arise you may be sure that certain powers intend to keep this conflict under operation since they hope to profit from the situation. To concern yourself with surface political conflicts is to make the mistake of he bull in the ring, you are changing the cloth. That is what politics is for, to teach you the cloth. Just as the bullfighter teaches the bull, teaches him to obey the cloth. William Burroughs Journal for the Protection of All Beings (City Lights Bookstore) …one of the terrible truths of presidential politics: it changes everybody who gets into it, generally for the worse, frequently for the awful. Gail Collins. The New York Times (February 7, 2015) As early as 1923 it had become clear that world revolution was no longer on history’s agenda, at any rate not in the form envisioned by Marxism. George C. Eckstein, reviewing Bukharin and the Bolshevik Revolution in The Nation (February 8, 1975) ** The exiled tyrant Pisistratus , planning his return to Athens in the early sixth century BC, hired an unusually tall woman named Phye to ride beside him in his in his chariot. She was to pretend to be the manifestation of the goddess Athena, the Patron of Athens. Herodotus gives her height as some four cubits---around 5’11”, more than a foot taller than the average woman at the time—and notes that not only was she dressed in full armour but was instructed of the bearing in which she might best beseem her part (according to Macauley’s inimitable translation . As Pisistratus and Phye trundled through the fields of Attica, fell over themselves to pay their respects., Herodotus notes that Pisistratus was immediately returned to power. Claire Hall. “The Day a God Rode In,”: reviewing “The Realness of Things Past: Ancient Greece and Ontological History” by Greg Anderson (London Review of Books) I have just received the following telegram from my generous Daddy, It says, “Dear Jack: Don’t buy a single vote more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.” John F. Kennedy at the Gridiron Dinner (1958) ** If you agree with me on nine out of 12 issues, you should vote for me. If you agree with me on 12 out of 12 issues, you should see a psychiatrist. Ed Koch, Mayor of NYC Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx …I haven’t studied politics that much really. It just seems that you have to be in a constant state of revolution, or you’re dead. There always has to be a revolution, it has to be a constant thing, not something that’s going to change things, and that’s it, you know, the revolution’s going to solve everything. It has to be every day.” Jim Morrison, in an interview with John Tobler Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. John Quinton Teddy Kennedy says, “These are times that will test all people. Are we up to the test?” And the people say, “The question is, can we get someone to take the test for us?” Mort Sahl ** In that first four weeks (AFTER OBAMA’S ELECTION), you probably remember, effigies were burned. Obama supporters were being beat up, all sorts if things like that. For me, it was all captured in the amazing case of the second and third graders in Idaho who were riding their bus on the way to school and chanting “Assassinate Obama!” It was an incredible moment. I think that –very much like David Duke, the ex-Klan leader, predicted – Americans woke up on November 5 and to some of them it was a rude shock. This black guy was going to be their president, and, by God, he was going to take his wife and kids and move into the White House. David Schimke. “Hate,Ink.” in UTNE READER (Jan-Feb. 10, 2010) ** Arguing with the Tea Pary is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good your argument the pigeon is going to knock all the pieces over, crap all over the board and strut around like it’s victorious. Charles Simmons (?) ** Democrats work to help people who need help. That other party they work for people who don’t need help. That’s all there is to it. Harry S Truman **
BITS &PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE
For all those who attempted my name game challenges:
BELIEVE IT OR NOT’S ROBERT RIPLEY once received a birthday
greeting from a Chicago resident named Zeke Zzzpt.
NEW ANALOGY IN TOWN:
William Barr: Justice::Aaron Burr:tap dancing.
IT IS DIFFICULT TO PREDICT THE FUTURE The following sentence appeared in The Quarterly Review in 1825: "What can be more palpably absurd than the prospect held out of locomotion traveling twice as fast as stage coaches?" ** POLITICIANS/POLITICS No matter how paranoid you are, what the government is actually doing is worse than you can imagine. William Blum Don’t believe anything until it’s been officially denied. William Blum People used to complain that selling a president was like selling a bar of soap. But when you buy soap, at least you get the soap. In this campaign you just get two guys telling you that they really value cleanliness. David Brooks Somewhere out in the audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and presides over the White House as the President’s spouse. I wish him well. Barbara Bush. College address at Wellsley College on June 1, 1990 Politics? Politics are just like women: get into them seriously and you’re going to come out looking like an earthworm stepped on by a longshoreman’s boot. Charles Bukowski in a letter to Gerald Locklin (August 2, 1981) Political conflicts are merely surface manifestations. If conflicts arise you may be sure that certain powers intend to keep this conflict under operation since they hope to profit from the situation. To concern yourself with surface political conflicts is to make the mistake of he bull in the ring, you are changing the cloth. That is what politics is for, to teach you the cloth. Just as the bullfighter teaches the bull, teaches him to obey the cloth. William Burroughs Journal for the Protection of All Beings (City Lights Bookstore) …one of the terrible truths of presidential politics: it changes everybody who gets into it, generally for the worse, frequently for the awful. Gail Collins. The New York Times (February 7, 2015) As early as 1923 it had become clear that world revolution was no longer on history’s agenda, at any rate not in the form envisioned by Marxism. George C. Eckstein, reviewing Bukharin and the Bolshevik Revolution in The Nation (February 8, 1975) ** The exiled tyrant Pisistratus , planning his return to Athens in the early sixth century BC, hired an unusually tall woman named Phye to ride beside him in his in his chariot. She was to pretend to be the manifestation of the goddess Athena, the Patron of Athens. Herodotus gives her height as some four cubits---around 5’11”, more than a foot taller than the average woman at the time—and notes that not only was she dressed in full armour but was instructed of the bearing in which she might best beseem her part (according to Macauley’s inimitable translation . As Pisistratus and Phye trundled through the fields of Attica, fell over themselves to pay their respects., Herodotus notes that Pisistratus was immediately returned to power. Claire Hall. “The Day a God Rode In,”: reviewing “The Realness of Things Past: Ancient Greece and Ontological History” by Greg Anderson (London Review of Books) I have just received the following telegram from my generous Daddy, It says, “Dear Jack: Don’t buy a single vote more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.” John F. Kennedy at the Gridiron Dinner (1958) ** If you agree with me on nine out of 12 issues, you should vote for me. If you agree with me on 12 out of 12 issues, you should see a psychiatrist. Ed Koch, Mayor of NYC Al Gore never claimed that he invented the internet, Howard Dean didn’t scream. Hillary Clinton didn’t say she was staying in the race because Barack Obama might be assassinated. And Wesley Clark didn’t impugn John McCain’s military service. Scott McClellan, the former White House press secretary in his tell-all memoir “What Happened.” But a true account of modern American politics should “What Didn’t Happen.” again and again we’ve had media firestorms over supposedly revealing incidents that never actually took place. Paul Krugman (NY TIMES. July 4,2008) ** Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx …I haven’t studied politics that much really. It just seems that you have to be in a constant state of revolution, or you’re dead. There always has to be a revolution, it has to be a constant thing, not something that’s going to change things, and that’s it, you know, the revolution’s going to solve everything. It has to be every day.” Jim Morrison, in an interview with John Tobler \ Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. John Quinton Teddy Kennedy says, “These are times that will test all people. Are we up to the test?” And the people say, “The question is, can we get someone to take the test for us?” Mort Sahl ** In that first four weeks (AFTER OBAMA’S ELECTION), you probably remember, effigies were burned. Obama supporters were being beat up, all sorts if things like that. For me, it was all captured in the amazing case of the second and third graders in Idaho who were riding their bus on the way to school and chanting “Assassinate Obama!” It was an incredible moment. I think that –very much like David Duke, the ex-Klan leader, predicted – Americans woke up on November 5 and to some of them it was a rude shock. This black guy was going to be their president, and, by God, he was going to take his wife and kids and move into the White House. David Schimke. “Hate,Ink.” in UTNE READER (Jan-Feb. 10, 2010) ** Arguing with the Tea Party is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good your argument the pigeon is going to knock all the pieces over, crap all over the board and strut around like it’s victorious. Charles Simmons ** Democrats work to help people who need help. That other party they work for people who don’t need help. That’s all there is to it. Harry S Truman ** NEW APP: HOW YOU CAN TELL RIGHT AWAY IF THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO HAS ENOUGH MONEY TO MAKE IT WORTHWHILE FOR YOU TO BE THEIR FRIEND. AFTER ALL WHO WANTS TO WASTE THEIR TIME WITH POOR PEOPLE?
TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION
ASKING THE SUPREME COURT TO VOTE UPON
THE UNCONSTITUTIONALITY OF THE CONSTITUTION
OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Although many Americans are aware that the Supreme
Court has been asked to deprive some 9 to 11 million
Americans of their health insurance on the basis of an
ambiguous four word phrase in the health-care provision
, few Americans are aware of a case that will soon follow suit
– - Americans Who Hate The General Welfare vs. The
Constitution of the United States of America.
Attorneys for the state rights have pointed out (and
rightly so) that the majority of our 50 States were not in
existence at the time the Constitution was approved
(sometime in the l8th century we believe, although many
citizens believe the Constitutional Congress, like the
moon-landings, was a hoax). Here are the phrases called
into question:
" We the People of the United States, in Order to form a
more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic
Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote
the general Welfare, and secure he Blessings of Liberty
to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish
this Constitution for the United States of America."
First of all the phrase “We the people of the United States”
was a blatant falsehood at the timeThe Constitution was drafted.
many so-called people (women, slaves, children, and anyone
who did not own property) were in no position to ordain anything.
these disenfranchised chattle did not establish the Constitution.
They could barely establish that they existed. Did any of the persons
who voted for ratification of the Constitution produce voter IDs?
How many tainted votes were cast? There should be a revote,
with a prior ruling on how to count or not count hanging chads.
Second: What about all the new States that have become part
of the United States since. Each new State should be allowed to
rewrite the Constitution to fit the needs of its citizens.
Third, what about the phrase “promote the general welfare"?
Anyone who did not own property could not vote, thus were in
no position to ordain anything. These disenfranchised chattles
did not establish the Constitution. They could barely establish
that they existed. Now that is ambiguous. Does our Constitution
endorse “The Welfare State”. We know we need guns to promote
the general welfare, but do we really need Social Security and
National Healthcare? The phrase "promote the general
welfare" must be struck from the Constitution.
Last, but not least, The Supreme Court will be asked
to rule on whether the phrase “common defence” is spelled
correctly . Since the usual spelling is defense, did the persons
who drafted the Constitution have something sinister in mind.
Were the Founding Fathers mocking the notion that there is
such a thing as a “common defence” since Americans seem
not to agree on many “common: issues.” This two word phrase
should cause the Constitution to be nullified.
Once again, we expect the court to be divided down along party
lines and that the decision will come down to the vote one Supreme
Court Justice. Yes, Justice.
And last, but not least, The Supreme Court will be asked to rule on whether the phrase “common defence” is spelled correctly . Since the usual spelling is defense, did the persons who drafted the Constitution have something sinister in mind. Were the Founding Fathers mocking the notion that there is such a thing as a “common defence” since Americans seem not to agree on many “common: issues.” This two word phrase should cause the Constitution should
Be nullified.
Once again, we expect the court to be divided down along party lines and that the decision will come down to the vote one Supreme Court Justice. Yes, Justice.
WHERE’S TRUMP?
NEW BOOK PUBLISHED BY THE WHITE HOUSE: WHERE’S TRUMP? In order to boost sagging poll numbers and to relieve stress caused by the pandemic, protests, and failing economy, President Trump and his loyal White House staff are publishing a puzzle and family fun book in the Where’s Waldo tradition. Voters, non-voters, and children at the U.S./Mexican border who are separated from their parents will have hours of fun attempting to locate the real Donald Trump among hundreds of Donald Trumps. Can you do it? Can anyone do it? “Best book ever. More fun than the Bible!” Lindsay Graham “:I love this book because it has no words in it. It’s my second favorite book –after Mutiny on the Bounty.” You know who **
