My First Blog Post

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE: AMERICANA #3

                  MINNEAPOLIS BANS RED AUTOMOBILES
       
       Minneapolis. August 11, 1932 (A.P)  If one drives
       a red automobile after this, it's going to be
       too bad.
          The City Council has passed an ordinance prohibiting
       the driving of automobiles painted red "or a red color
       so similar to fire department vehicles that they are
       not easily distinguishable."
          Just what shade fire department red is will be left
        to policemen, and, if a policeman happens to be color
        blind, it may mean sixty days or worse and a $50 fine.
          To make matters worse all fire department equipment
        isn't painted the same shade of red.
**
        In 1913, Colorado Springs, Colorado passed a law
        that limited the length of women's hat-pins. The
        ordinance wasn't revoked until 1949.

  **
      
NEXT QUESTION!
What woman’s name is on the Declaration of Independence?
(answer somewhere below)

THE BURNING DOWN OF THE BROOK FARM HOUSE

Boston, July 4 1905. Mischievous Boys last night
destroyed with their Fourth of July firecrackers
the famous old Brook Farm House -- the ancient
dwelling in West Roxbury where sixty years ago
Ralph Waldo Emerson, George William Curtis, 
Margaret Fuller, Frank B. Sanborn, the elder
Parker, Charles A. Dana, and a dozen more 
kindred spirits set up their short lived 
democracy. it was there that Hawthorne wrote
at the beginning of his literary career.
**


NERF BALL

"The most popular toy of 1970 was the nerf ball, 
beloved by kids and parents alike for its harmless 
indoor use. Since then, nerf has gone on to become 
a hugely popular brand with a wide array of blasters, 
all firing special foam balls or darts. Nerf stands 
for "non-expanding recreational foam..."

Source: Thrillist | Date Updated: April 6, 2021 
(GENIUS TRIVIA site) 

**
THE ONLY WOMAN WHO "SIGNED" THE DECLARATION OF 
INDEPENDENCE

Mary Katherine Goddard — the only woman who "signed" the Declaration of Independence. Mary Katherine Goddard is unfamiliar to many Americans, but her name sits on the Declaration of Independence alongside those of founding 
fathers like Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson.

CAMEL SIGHTING IN AMERICA IN 1709

"The first mention of a camel ever being seen
in America was made in 1709, when one was reorted
to be in the colony of Virginia. Why the animal
was there and what became of it later are not
recorded."

Doug Storer. AMAZING BUT TRUE FACTS (NY:
Sterling Publishing Co., 1980)
**

From THE WASHINGTON POST FACT CHECKER

ON SENATOR TIM SCOTT'S BIOGRAPHY 

“Our family went from cotton to Congress in one lifetime,” 
Scott said in a speech to the Republican National Convention last year.

Our research reveals a more complex story. Scott leaves out 
that his grandfather’s father was a substantial landowner — 
and Scott’s grandfather, Artis Ware, worked on that farm.

Indeed, Scott’s family history in South Carolina offers a fascinating window into a little-known aspect of history 
in the racist South following the Civil War and in the 
immediate aftermath of slavery: that some enterprising 
Black families purchased property as a way to avoid sharecropping and achieve a measure of independence 
from White-dominated society.

Against heavy odds, Scott’s ancestors amassed relatively 
large areas of farmland, a mark of distinction in the 
Black community at the time, though this distinction 
did not necessarily translate to wealth at the time, 
according to our investigation.


From THE WASHINGTON POST FACT CHECKER
**(

BOWLING FOR DOLORS

"...John Hickle, Jr. of Illinois, bowled a perfect
game using a bowling ball filled with his father's
ashes. "I had tears in my eyes in the 11th and
12th frames," said Hinkle.

from THE WEEK, March 7, 2021

BITS &PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE: ANYTHING GOES

"Gilbert, the waspish member of the Gilbert
and Sullivan team, had little regard for the
acting ability of Sir Beerbohm Tree. He felt
that the controversy over the true identity
of Shakespeare could be settled once and for
all. His solution was to have Beerbohm Tree
recite from the Bard over the graves of the
three contenders, Shakespeare, Bacon, and
Marlowe. The real Shakespeare would, he felt
certain, turn in his grave."
     
OSCAR LEVANT. The Unimportance of Being Oscar
(New York: G.P. PUTNAM'S SONS, 1968)
**
<---------- Ophelia, this way to the nunnery

**

Shakespeare began  Hamlet as a searching study of 
the soul of man, but before he was done the characters 
were fighting duels all over the place and going mad 
and participating in all the varied experiences which 
come to men in melodrama.

Heywood Broun.  Seeing Things at Night.

 ***

Shakespeare, who belonged to a generation whose 
immediate predecessors had experienced social upheaval 
and anarchy and,
 as a result,  were haunted by a dread 
of them, put into the speech of Ulysses in his great 
and bitter play Troilus and Cresside the sense of 
chaotic nightmare engendered by the removal from the 
body politic of the cement of “degree, priority and 
place, institute, course, proportion, seasons, form. 
Office, and custom, all in line of
order”


Sir Arthur Bryant. Illustrated London News (July 1971).

KICKSHAWS
The word kickshaws derives from the French 
quelque chose, meaning ‘something’. The Oxford 
English Dictionary (OED) has a variety of alternative 
spellings for kickshaws and lists various illustrative quotations. The earliest quotation is dated 1598, 
when it appears in the original French form 
quelque chose. 

A couple of years later in 1600, Shakespeare used 
the spelling kickshawes in Henry IV, Part 2:

“A ioynt of mutton, and any pretty little tinie 
Kick-shawes.
”

Two decades further on (1623), the Bard used the 
word in Twelfth Night, albeit with a different spelling:

“Sir Andrew Aguecheek says: I delight in Maskes 
and Reuels sometimes altogether. Sir Toby Belch 
replies: Art thou good at these kicke-chawses Knight?”


The word has become imbued with a variety of slightly 
different meanings over the centuries a fancy dish in 
cookery, a , a , a , a fantastic person, something 
dainty or elegant, but unsubstantial or comparatively 
valueless. I was wondering about the existence of 
derivative forms - the OED has kickshawed. I tried 
a Google search and found the surprisingly named 
kickshawaii website, but it turned out this was a site
 about how and where to get entertainment and shopping 
kicks in Hawaii!

DARRYL FRANCIS, reprinted from INTERIM (May 2021)

**
EVEN SHAKESPEARE IS NOT BELOVED BY EVERYBODY

Jennifer Higgie in her marvelous collection of historical
insults -- FAR TOO NOISY, MY DEAR MOZART(London: Michael
O'Mara Books, 1997) --presents a few choice opinions about
the Bard of Avon from noted writers. To wit:

 "Crude, immoral, vulgar, and senseless."
             Leo Tolstoy

With the single exception of Homer, there is no
eminent writer, not even Sir Walter Scott, whom
I detest so entirely as I despise Shakespeare 
when I measure my mind against his...it would
positively be a relief to me to dig him up and
throw stones at him.
          George Benard Shaw

This enormous dunghill.
           Voltaire

To the King's theater, where we saw A
Midsummer Night's Dream, which I had
never seen before, nor shall ever again,
for it is the most insipid, ridiculous
play I ever saw in my life.

Samuel Pepys
**

If Shakespeare can be so crudely dismissed &
insulted why should lesser writers care what
critics and reviewers think about their works?


SHAKESPEARE IN TOMBSTONE


Tombstone is not nearly as much fun 
As it used to be:
Shot glasses smashed against mirrors,
All that broken glass, 

Gun-Slinger after gunslinger coughing
Out their lungs
Into what is left of their brains.
The day of the movie singing-


Cowboy has long passed. 
At 8
A.M. morning light Is clear 
As an ace-high straight.

Clementine loved Tombstone.
Its desert flowers
Smelled like shaving lotion.
But her calicos are long gone.

Wyatt Earp’s youngest brother,
Plugged in his back,
Has been discovered face-down
In a driving rain. Another

Curtain lowered, 
His soliloquy
Left unfinished,
Crossing the bourn from which


No traveler returns. 
To be
Or not to be etc. etc.  
He was,like his brother,
A mess of personal problems.

Wild Bill? 
Not a lot of heroes left,
Good guys galloping pell-mell
Out of this place. 

Actors
In this movie have also passed
Into that other country,
You too shall be in that cast. 

Well…“I humbly thank you; 
Exeunt all,pursued by bears.

Louis Phillips



Louis Phillips                    

BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE: CELEBRITIES

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-56669924

"An insurance company pamphlet described Moses
 as 'One of the greatest salesmen and real-
estate promoters that ever lived.' Jesus
Christ was called 'the founder of modern
business.'"

Jim Bishop. The Golden Ham: A Candid Biography of
Jackie Gleason ( New York: Simon and Schuster, 1956).

 CULTURAL NOTE

Jackie Gleason
Was not always the voice of reason.
**

REMEMBERING REDD FOXX

Notorious for his frank, tell-it-like-it-is style, Redd Foxx broke new ground for minorities and comedians alike. By joking about everything from sex to color barriers, he brought simmering and taboo issues into the open. His candor onstage not only jump-started what is now considered a war with censors, but also inspired and enabled other comedians to achieve more than had ever been possible. Foxx was not only “The King of Comedy,” but also a talented artist. He took a sketchbook with him whenever possible, and enjoyed creating his own fantastic images or capturing the essence of those whom he loved or admired.

John Elroy Sanford was born into poverty in St. Louis on December 9, 1922. With a ruddy complexion, Redd fast became a nickname. He derived Foxx from admirable Major League Baseball player, Jimmie Foxx. He left St. Louis for Chicago when he was 13, and supported himself by playing the washboard in a band. When the band broke up three years later, he hopped a train to New York City. It was there that he met Malcolm Little, a man who would later be known as Malcolm X. In The Autobiography of Malcolm X, he is referred to as “Chicago Red, the funniest dishwasher on this earth.”

from The Official Redd Foxx Website
**
WHERE THE SHEEP BELONGING TO REDD FOXX
 ARE TO BE FOUND

Foxx’s
Flocks
Are on the rocks
Among the phlox.

ON W.H. AUDEN & BETTE DAVIS

Auden: I was once rung from Hollywood by Miss
Bette Davis. She said, "Mr. Auden, I've just 
been reading one of your poems."  I said, "I'm
glad to hear it, madam, but it's two o'clock
in the morning," and I put the phone down.
  Chester has never forgiven me.

Speech from THE HABIT OF ART by Alan Bennett's 
play about an imagined meeting of Auden and 
Benjamin Britten.

**
DOROTHY PARKER & GERTRUDE STEIN 

 "To quote the only line of Gertrude Stein's which I have ever been able to understand, 'It is wonderful how I am not interested.
    Dorothy Parker

ROBERT DONAT


Robert Donat,

Munching on a doughnut,

Launched into the “To be or not to be” speech.
What wd he recite if he were eating a peach?

***

SALUTING A CELEBRITY IN ANCIENT ROME

In ca A.D. 68-95, "The charioteer Scorpus 
rises to wealth and fame with thousands of
victories on the racecourse before dying at
age 27.

David Alvarez. "Chariot Racing in Rome" in
National Geographic History, vol.7, no.2

Being a star made it possible for me to get insulted in places where the average Negro could never hope to go and get insulted.


       Sammy Davis, Jr in his autobiography Yes, I Can

***

CELEBRITIES & RACE HORSES

Celebrities are a good deal like horses. Both are uneasy in the presence of people who don’t know how to handle them. To be much in the company of either celebrities or horses calls for a specialized vocabulary, the assimilation of a regal etiquette, and – most important of all – an air of authority. Toadying to a celebrity, or even deferring to him, is like approaching on the wrong side; in either case you get your toes stepped on.

    Russell Maloney. “In a Den of  Lyons”  in The New Yorker (April 7, 1945)


   

Celebrities are not appendages of our society anymore; they are the basis of our communal lives. Literature and architecture, art and politics, are at most sidelights –small, ancient alleyways down which fewer and fewer minds wander. Pop culture has long since left the word culture behind to become the primary way we understand the world.

Stephen Marche. “Consumer Products” in Lapham’s Quarterly (Winter 2011)

BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE: AMERICANA (PART 2)

         ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S GETTYSBURG ADDRESS
________________________________________________________________

SHERMAN BILLINGSLEY AND THE STORK CLUB (1950’s)

There is a story about the time George Jessel arrived
at the entrance of the Cub Room bringing with him a
beautiful and talented lady, Lena Horne. This caused
a bit of a stir. Billingsley and his headwaiters weren't
very big on racial equality, but Jessel happened to be
a regular. The headwaiter was on the spot. He was trying
to figure out what to do, mumbling and fumbling through'
his reservation book, acting as though there were no
tables left. Of course, Jessel knew what was going on
and I'm sure Lena did too. After a while, the headwaiter
said to Jessel, "Mr. Jessel, who made the reservation?"
And Jessel answered, "Abraham Lincoln." A few people
heard this and chuckled, and Billingsley across the room
finally gave the flustered maitre d' a nod, and Mr.
Jessel and Miss Horne walked in and were seated. That
night the Cub Room was temporarily integrated.

from Honest Abe by Abe Burrows (Boston-Toronto:
Little Brown and Company, 1953.
*****

 ABRAHAM LINCOLN

Abraham Lincoln –
Did he ever have an inklin’
That he wd be known as “Honest Abe”
Or Lone Ranger fans might call him “Kemo sabe’?

***

Abraham Lincoln is the only president in American 
history to hold a patent.

William Herndon spent part of 1848 watching bemusedly 
as his law partner, Abraham Lincoln, sat at his office 
desk intently whittling a strange-looking wooden ship.  
Looking up from time to time, Lincoln would excitedly 
explain how his invention would bring about a revolution 
in the burgeoning steamboat industry.  Lincoln’s design, 
which became U.S. Patent No. 6469, details the invention 
of an inflatable bellows system meant to improve the 
navigation of boats in shallow waters.  In effect, 
four balloons would be collapsed, accordion-like, 
and attached to both sides of a riverboat on either end.  
If the boat found its way obstructed by a sandbar, 
the balloons would be filled with air in order to raise 
the hull higher than the bar, allowing passage without 
having to unload the cargo and carry the boat manually.  
This issue was particularly important to the inventor, 
who had spent part of his youth on the treacherous 
Sangamon River and had twice run aground on high shoals.  Lincoln’s patent was never implemented and was in fact 
lost for many years after a fire in the patent office.  Throughout his life Lincoln expressed a strong 
philosophical love for the patent system.  Lincoln’s 
model and his drawings are now on display in the Smithsonian. 

From the Website 10 FACTS ABOUT ABRAHAM LINCOLN
***
OSCAR WILDE & HIS THOUGHTS ABOUT AMERICA

1) "America had often been discovered before Columbus, 
but it had always been hushed up." 
2) "America has never quite forgiven Europe for having been discovered somewhat earlier in history than itself." 
3) "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilisation in between."Nov 30, 2015
***

"What is a liberal? A liberal finds it in his heart
to forgive Jane Fonda for being in Hanoi, but not
for being in Barbarella."
                        David Frost
*
 THE PILGRIMS FROM THE MAYFLOWER

"...the Pilgrims were arrogant and brutal. The bleached
bones of Indigenous Americans who had died in an
epidemic were taken by (WILLIAM) Bradford to mean
that God had cleared the land for his people. It was
a mandate and a responsibility that forbade tolerance.
The maypole belonging to the adjacent plantation at
Merrymount, where standards of devotion were lax,was
destroyed as a pagan idol and the revellers' non-puritan
leader repatriated. Bradford's ruffian enforcer, Myles
Standish, stabbed three Massachusett warriors at a
peace summit and brought back a head as a trophy."

Malcolm Gaskill, reviewing The Puritans: A Transatlantic
Journey by David D. Hall, and The Journey tO The
Mayflower: God's Outlaws and The Invention of Freedom
by Stephen Tomkins (The London Review of Books, 
13 March 2021)
***
JOHNNY INKSLINGER MOURNS THE DEATH
OF BETSY ROSS

Freedom? What a stitch!
Freedom to please the men with money, 
The flag orderers: May 29, 1777.
L 14 ‘for making ships’ colors etc. 

“But don't tread on me"
 For I am body surfing into symbolism: 
13 Stars for Paramount, Republic,M-G-M 
Stripes for our peerless leaders.

1777:
My country at the ragged edge of Liberty, 
Needling England's cry-baby king,

& Here I am stomping at the Savoy 
With Chick Webb and his orchestra,

While The Supreme Court rules
"We do not consecrate the flag 
By punishing its desecration,
By doing so we dilute the freedom
That the cherished emblem represents."
To become a cherished American, 
Become a Statue in the hallway, 
Obituary in the Times,
A two o'clock in the morning footnote. 
Let us mourn for Betsy Ross,
Who once received only two feeble sentences 
In the Encyclopedia Britannica.

What are we going to do about it, 
Betsy? “Oh, hell, 
Let's burn one of my flags!” 
Freedom for the poor? What a stitch!
 

Louis Phillips
(from AMERICAN ELEGIES (World Audience
Publishers)

https://dailydrunkmag.com/2021/04/11/the-bald-eagle-is-no-longer-bald/



**

BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE –THE AMERICANA ISSUE

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 "There are three things which I shall never forget 
about America: the Rocky Mountains,the Statue of
Liberty and Amos 'n' Andy."
                             George Bernard Shaw

"From hobo jungles to the White House, the
mundane world stopped for fifteen minutes
at seven o'clock on weekday evenings; movie
theaters piped in episodes between reels;
department stores carried the dialogue for
the convenience of late shoppers; factories
staggered shifts, auto thefts soared, plumbing
fell silent; and one of the representative
memories of the period involved walking along
a street on a spring evening and hearing the
same voices float from the open windows of
house after house."

Robert Taylor, writing about the popularity
of the Amos 'n' Andy radio show for (1930-
1932)in Fred Allen: His Life and Wit (Boston:
Little, Brown and Company, 1989)

Mr. Taylor points out "Never has a U.S. 
entertainment phenomenon rivaled Amos 'n'
Andy,which for a brief interval (1930-1932)
the total attention of the nation."
**

"With Special Field Order 15, he (Major General
William T. Sherman) directed that more than 
400,000 acres of confiscated Confederate land
to be distributed to formerly enslaved people.
Under the mandate, eventually named '40 Acres
and a mule,' nearly 40,000 Black Americans were
settled within six months.
   "The land grant was short-lived. After President
Abraham Lincoln was assassinated, his successor
Andrew Johnson, moved to pacify white Confederate
planters-- by repealing Order 15 and returning 
their land."

Natalie Baszile. "The Indelible Legacy of Land"
in National Geographic (April 2021)

**


We price the cotton.
We spin the yarn.
We weave the fabric.
We dress the world.
Same as it ever was and as it will always be.

Welcome to Spindle City.
               
---Colonel Jefferson Cleveland,
                   
president of Cleveland Mill, speaking
 to visiting French Trade Council, 1886

Epigraph to Spindle City by Jotham Burrello 
(Ashland, Oregon: Black Stone Publishers, 2020)
**
Although Utah lies more than 500 miles from 
the nearest ocean, its official state bird
is the sea-gull.
**
The 1st U.S. President to have a phone placed
directly upon his desk in the White House was
Herbert Hoover in 1929. The phone number of
the White House that year was NA-1414.

***

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing
the matter with this, except that it ain’t so.


Mark Twain


I am killing only one man in this tragedy, now, and 
that is bad, for nothing helps out a play like bloodshed. 
But in a few days I propose to introduce the smallpox 
into the last act. And if that don’t work I shall 
close with a general massacre.
    


Mark Twain in his curtain speech at the opening of
The Gilded Age (September 16, 1874)
 

**
Coca-Cola was created in1886 by an ex-Confederate
soldier, John S.Pemberton. A bookkeeper, F.M.
Robinson, named the concoction Coca-Cola because
the taste was derived from a combination of cocoa
leaves and cola nuts. When the syrup went on sale
that first year, only 25 gallons were sold.Eventually,
in desperation, Pemberton sold out his interest in
the formula for $1,750.

** 

BADLANDS

What the French first dubbed
Mauvaises terres pour traverser,
All my life I have lived in the Badlands,
At least in my imagination,
Where gullies are filled

With bones of my enemies
(It will take more than death 
to bleach them)

Not really part of the World

Of treacherous copybooks,
I turn my thoughts to South Dakota,
To gunslingers & outlaws
Running ragged 
Over this land, 
with its mesas
 & saw-tooth grasses,
Jagged terrain & fluted hills,
What have I gained by being so docile?


Loose gravel scatters under my horses' hooves.
Nothing better than to run wild,
Bringing coronary thrombosis
To a huge posse  of critics.
Mostly, I do not wish 

To be like everybody else.

Ah! Yes! The Badlands!
 


Louis Phillips

BITS & PIECES OF A MISLAID LIFE: THE MONEY ISSUE

"The  Latin word for head is caput' snd cattle were 'capitale' whence comes our modern word capital. So 
it becomes evident that in ancient days, cattle and
money were synonyms. So closely were they associated
that the Greek and Romans stamped their coins with
the image of an ox,"

John J.Floherty. Money-Go-Round: 
The Story of Money. 1944

This sentence is of no monetary worth whatsoever.
**
MONEY

“But money, of course, is never just about money.
It’s always something else, and it’s always 
something more, and it always has the last word.”

Paul Auster

Such is the brutalization of  commercial ethics 
in this country that no one can feel anything 
more delicate than the velvet touch of a soft 
buck.’

   Raymond Chandler


Not all fictions are shared by all humans, but at 
least one has become universal, and this is money. 
Dollar bills have absolutely no value except on our collective imagination, but everybody believes in 
the dollar bill.

    Yuval Noah Harari
   

What good is freedom if you’ve not got the money 
for it? It’s always very fine to go on about Nora’s 
escape at the end of A Doll’s House,but just how 
was she planning to eat that night?

         Lillian Hellman


    ON TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION

     Republicans refuse to tax the rich.
     They have the scratch but not the itch.
    
**

People may be divided, according to their attitude 
towards money, into two classes: one wants to have
 money; the other wants to spend it. One wants 
security; the other pleasure. Of  those two extremes
 –misers and spendthrifts – the misers are the more 
logical, because security may give you pleasure, but
pleasure cannot give you security.

  George Mikes 



Men are keener to use their money to impress 
the rich than  to help the poor.

     Frederic Raphael, 

Cuts and Bruises (Carcanet Press Ltd.)

**
PIN MONEY

"Invention of metal pin has been traced to
the fourteenth century, but for many decades 
after they were first made they were scarce
and costly. English law permitted shopkeepers
to sell them only on January 1 and 2.
  "Consequently, it became customary for the
housewife at the beginning of the year to ask
her husband for 'pin money' sufficient to buy
a supply for the months ahead. In the early
days the sum required for such a purpose was
considerable.'
   "After pins became plentiful and cheap,
shrewd wives retained the custom of requesting 
the annual stipend, which they spent a they
pleased. Consequently, any allowance or gift
for incidental purchases came to be known as
pin money."

Webb B. Garrison WHY YOU SAY IT (New York: 
Abingdon, 1955)
**

I knew so little about money. I used to sign 
my checks, “Love, Rita.”

 Rita Rudner


God gave me my money.

          John D. Rockefeller

SOCRATES ON WALL STREET

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

MONOPOLY/MONOPOLIES

Why  is there only one monopolies commission.
      Anonymous
**

  ACCOUNTING

Money comes & money goes,
& this is just as true in prose.

]

BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE –ANYTHING GOES #2

 

 It’s not like you sees songs approaching and
 invite them in. It’s not that easy. You want 
to write songs that are bigger than life. You 
want to say something about strange things that 
have happened to you, strange things you have 
seen. You have to know and understand something 
and then go past the vernacular.
  
 Bob Dylan. Chronicles. 

One night Frankie Laine and I got into a much 
publicized argument over whether or not I was 
able to write three hundred fifty songs in one 
week, a feat thereupon was forced to perform 
by sitting every afternoon for six days in 
the window of Music City, a record store at 
the corner of Sunset and Vine in Hollywood.

Steve Allen. Mark It and Strike It (New York: 
Holt,Rinehart and Winston, 1960)
*(by 1960, Steve Allen had composed over 2,000 songs)

Camilo, a singer from Colombia writes hits 
even when he's not trying.

Jon Pareles. "His Pop Spans the Hemisphere"
in The New York Times (March 4, 2021)
 
  ***
 I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I see 
now  I should have been more specific.
  
   Lily Tomlin 
***
 
 NORMAN ROCKWELL
  
 Norman Rockwell
 Cd paint a summer frock well.
 At least his women did not have 3 eyes
 As in paintings by some other guys. 

**
celebrity (n.)late 14c., "solemn rite or ceremony," 
from Old French celebrité "celebration" or directly 
from Latin celibritatem (nominative celebritas) 
"multitude, fame," from celeber "frequented, populous" (see celebrate). Meaning "condition of being famous" 
is from c. 1600; that of "a famous person" is from 1849.
When the old gods withdraw, the empty thrones cry out 
for a successor, and with good management, or even 
without management, almost any perishable bag of bones 
may be hoisted into the vacant seat. [E.R. Dodds, 
"The Greeks and the Irrational"

From THE ON LINE ETYMOLOGICAL DICTIONARY
***
 
 CELEBRITY/CELEBRITIES
  
  
 Many, if not most of Thackeray’s  characters are 
animated or endowed by life with the famous – they 
are celebrity seekers of more or less proficiency. 
Arthur Pendennis, for one, spends the days of his 
London youth breakfasting “with a peer, a bishop, 
a parliamentary orator, two blue ladies of fashion, 
a popular preacher, the author of the latest novel, 
and the very latest lion imported from Egypt or from America,” refreshing himself from his journalistic 
labors with a social set deliberately composed of the indiscriminately well known.
  

 Nicholas Dares. Nineteenth Century Literature, 
Vol. 56 ( June 2001)
  
  
 Being a star made it possible for me to get 
insulted in places where the average Negro could 
never hope to go and get insulted.
  
 Sammy Davis, Jr in his autobiography Yes,I Can 

 
 

 WHAT DOES THE WORLD KNOW
 THAT WE DO NOT
  
 Aching with credit,
 I was in the one store
 That possessed
 A weight machine
 Dispensing  fortunes.
 I stepped on the scale:
 Weight 192 pounds,
 The  small cardboard,
 Like a stick of gum, read:
 Fame & Fortune 9:16
 At 44th Street & Broadway.
 Don’t be late. At 8:16
 I arrived & waited.
 Waited all day
 From A.M. to P.M.
 Those two bastards
 Never did show up.
  **
 
    Celebrities are not appendages of our society 
anymore; they are the basis of our communal lives. 
Literature and architecture, art and politics, are 
at most sidelights –small, ancient alleyways down 
which fewer and fewer minds wander. Pop culture has 
long since left the word culture behind to become 
the primary way we understand the world.
  
 Stephen Marche. “Consumer Products” in Lapham’s 
Quarterly (Winter 2011) 
**
 

 
CHARLTON HESTON
  
 Charlton Heston
 Giving a speech in Reston,
 Va. sd  “ Moses wd have had more fun
 Leaving Egypt if he had carried a gun.”
   **
 
 > 
 THE APPLE SAUCE CHRONICLES #14


Fairly original wordplay by Louis Phillips


THE IMPORTANCE OF MATH

: The number Zero 
proves that nothing matters.
**



CROWDEDELEVATOR

Everybodyisall

Pushedtogether
Likethis&there

Nobreathingno
R
oomatallhere
Si
rsnosmoking.Ev
erybody....out




K = A piece of cake
J= Pre-K
G= The end of everything



Is the opposite of conclusion PROCLUSION?



Death – Just live with it.






THOSE WHO SEIZED CAESAR’S SCISSORS

 

Those who seized 
Caesar’s scissors

Were Caesar’s scissors’ seizers.
Various sizes were Caesar’s scissors
& they who seized Caesar’s scissors
of various sizes
Live across the seas, near Suez, sez Caesar.

**

**

(with the help of Robert Scotto, the following film title):

Goya Goya Goya—a  Japanese film about  a sneak
           attack on European paintings.




ANOTHER MUSICAL FILM FESTIVAL
 From Martin Smith & Cynthia Epstein

 
the heroes of TELEMANN
. 
the ROREN twenties
 
HAYDN plain sight. 
how to succeed in BIZET-ness without really trying
 
bad day at BARTOK
 
sundays and SIBELIUS
 
how GRIEG was my valley
 
DOYLE in the sun
 
RAVELs with my aunt
. 
the sound and the FAURE




*
Future Menu Item –Welsh Robot

**

‘
Short story of a shot-gun marriage – screWED




In a barroom moot tool looters are not welcome.

Sentence with 6 consecutive double letters.



ANSWER: Fast acting

QUESTION: What do you call it when you pretend to
go on a diet.


**
PASTELS – subways of a by-gone era

OPTIMIST – high fog
FRUSTRATION – a dole of frust



Horror cowboy film: HOME ON DERANGE

**

CLEAN PORNOGRAPHY

The Philaunderer  --man  who has numerous love affairs and 
Does the laundry while making love
 **  












   
  
 Want to go out and drill holes?
 Naah. Too boring.
  
 *
  
 A scientist  in Paris labored for years to 
create a human being in his laboratory. He took 
a mole from the shoulder of film producer Howard 
Hill and by manipulating the chromosomal structure 
he was able to build a French essayist. Now that’s 
what I call making a Montaigne out of a Hill’s mole.
 **
 
incomplet
  
 **
 As the Mafia said in the Old Testament:
  
 Make them an Ophir they can’t  refuse. 

BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE–ANYTHING GOES

  
 I owe everything I have to boxing. I owe 
the milkman, the grocer, the newspaper boy…
  
    Art Aragon
  
 There ain’t nothing like being in a corner, 
and the trainer is whispering in your ear 
and another guy is putting in your mouthpiece. 
Five seconds to go, then boom! The bell. 
It’s more exciting than looking down a cliff.
  
 George Foreman, quoted in 
Newsweek (January 26, 1976) 

**

A 1949 JOKE BOOK PREDICTS THE FUTURE

They were examining an applicant for
a government position at one of the
more important air fields. They were
helping this fellow fill out the
application.They would ask the questions,
he would give the answers.
   Finally they said, "Do you belong to
any political party that plans to overthrow
the government?"
  Yessir."
 "What? ...did I understand you correctly?"
 You belong to a political party that plans
 to overthrow the government?"
"Yessir. I belong to a political party that 
plans to overthrow the government."
 "What party is that?"
 "The Republican Party."

from stop me if you've heard this one:
 the favorite stories of three favorite
funnymen - Lew Lehr, Cal Tinney, Roger
Bower (New York: Permabooks, 1949)    
   **
 
 
 
 In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf 
was asked if he thought there was room for 
forgiveness toward the people who have harbored 
and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 
9/11 attacks on America.
 His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.   
 The General said, "I believe that forgiving 
them is God's function... OUR job is to arrange 
the meeting." 
**
OF VIOLIN MUSIC & A STRIP-TEASER'S G-STRING

 G-string (n.)
 1878, geestring, "loincloth worn by an American 
Indian," originally the string that holds it up, 
etymology unknown. The spelling with G (1882) is 
perhaps from influence of violin string tuned to 
a G (in this sense G string is first recorded 1831), 
the lowest and heaviest of the violin strings. First 
used of women's attire 1936, with reference to 
strip-teasers.
 I AM the spirit of the silver "G":
 I am silvered sadness,
 I am moonlit gladness,
 I am that fine madness
 Of reverence half, and half of ecstasy
 
[from "Spirit of the 'G' String," Alfred L. 
Donaldson, in "Songs of My Violin," 1901]  
   
from The ON LINE ETYMOLOGICAL DICTIONARY

FROM TWO GUEST CONTRIBUTORS

 
 
 POEM by Mac Bica


Love Betrayed
 
 Through life he rode
 with sword in hand
 his goal to free this evil land
 no dragon safe,
 no windmill spared
 he spoke of love
 when no one cared.
 
 Oh gentle knight your task is clear
 between the laugh, before the tear,
 to show mankind he can't conceal
 the truth of things that are not real.
 
 Beware sweet knight
 your greatest foe,
 who'll distort the love
 that you bestow
 with cross in hand
 he hides the sword,
 his deed is sanctioned
 by the lord.
 
 With speed and skill
 he struck the dove
 it is the will of god above
 and those below
 who love betrayed
 to end this foolish knight's charade.
 And we who ask so much of life,
 seek love replace its endless strife
 and we who dream of what could be
 are doomed to sleep eternally.
 
 Prepare my friends the knight's return,
 and pray we're not too blind to learn.
   
  
  
 
 *******
        


FROM MICHAEL HAINES

I recall going to the Roxy when the Duke Ellington 
band was there, and when the film ended and the 
orchestra rose out of the pit playing “Take the 
A Train," the top of my head blew off. From then 
on, any movie set in New York had me.

  Woody Allen. Apropos of Nothing. 


  
 Lives that connect to others are not misplaced; 
perhaps wandering.
 I had a similar experience to Woody Allen.   
At the age of 18 or 19 I was in a darkened 
fraternity  house, doing absolutely 
nothing and thinking I was mostly alone.  The top 
of my mind blew off when someone dropped the needle 
on a record of Ray Charles doing What'd I Say. I 
shouted "what is that?!"  I had never heard it, and 
someone said 
"it's Ray Charles."  
  I said "can't be, Ray Charles leads on a capella 
chorus that performs on the Perry Como show." 
   I became a lifelong fan.
  
  

BITS PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE or THIS BLOG IS FOR THE BIRDS

 
 BIRDS
  
        
   (The crow) is a laddo that can’t afford any gorgeousness in his feathers; all black, except for a better-off  brother who decorates his plumage of brilliant black with snow-white bands – the magpie, the cleric of the Corvidae, a dignified chap, fond of chattering as a cleric is fond of preaching.
  
 Sean O’Casey. The Green Crow (1956)
  
  
  
  
 No cånyon is too cold for this little bird, none too lonely, provided it be rich in falling water. Find a fall, or cascade, or rushing rapid, anywhere upon a clear stream , and then you would surely find its complimentary Ouzel, flitting about in the spray, diving in foaming eddies, whirling like a leaf 
 among beaten foam-balls, ever vigorous and enthusiastic, yet self-  contained, and neither seeking nor shunning your company.
  
           John Muir, describing The Water Ouzel. The Mountains of California.
 
  
  
  
 …owling requires consideration and respect for the owl. You need to channel owl empathy. Owls are wild. On their minds are three concerns: shelter, food, reproduction. Whatever calories their bodies are expending, it is to secure those needs. To survive,
  
 Mira Ptacin. “The Art and Education of Owling” 
in The New York Times (February 7, 2021)
  
  
  
  
 The other thrushes are baroque artists, constantly elaborating, reworking and adding to their showy 
repertoire. The hermit thrush is a classicist, 
working on the principle of less is more, multum 
in parvo. Constantly changing variations appear 
within a simple, firm musical framework. Complex 
chords and high overtones climb and resonate 
between the tree trunks to create a sense of 
space and depth: a song In three –no, 
four–dimensional space that seems to speak of 
eternal things.
  
 Eric Salzman, quoted in The New York Times 
obituary written by Neil Genzlinger 
(November 26, 2017) 
**

(Egg, circa 5th Century BCE Athenian cookery)

The eggs of the peacock, a rare and much admired 
bird, were claimed to be highly superior; 'fox-
goose' eggs ranked second, and hen's eggs a distant
third. The domestic hen was common in the 
Mediterranean by fifth century BC and almost every 
Athenian had one, which may explain the poor 
gastronomic rating of its eggs.

Reay Tannahill. Food in History (New York: 
Three Rivers Press, 1988)
**





      BIRD-WATCHING
         (in memory of Jack Violi)

     Black-feathered
     With a voice
     For an eye,
     Its round eye opens.
     Flared
     At the neck & high
     Among branches, its choice
     Is to widen

     Our forest. It
     Frets with color
     As a mad painter,
     Jet-blue, then brown,
     & never sits
     Still. It grows fainter
     Then sails or
     Soars, flits down

     Into a fool's spectrum.
     What fastens 
     Onto branches
     The way blackbirds do?
     Theirs is the dumb
     Motion of panic, is
     The beak that glistens
     With food. Blue-

     Black, the jackdaw thinks
     Mostly of hunger,
     Whistles its fast
     Among high branches,     
     Its grackle head shrinks
     To a thimble fist
     In fear without anger,
     Bobbing

     As a wooden duck does
     On the edge
     Of a pan. Hops,
     Flaps in a climate  
     Of nerves, air-flows'                   
     & twigs, it stops
     Only to feed, to hedge'
     The lake, to mate.

     Black birds are
     Anything but black,
     Are dark blue wiggles
     & wags, purple tails
     Jutting in air,
     Slightly invisible
     Weather vanes, then back
     To the isles

     Of branches. Their
     Universe
     Is worm-centered,
     An eye among storms.
     Flattened in air,
     They head
     North, then reverse
     To roost in swarms.

     Boat-tailed,
     The grackle chucks
     Chucks, keels
     To the wind,lights
     Treads stately, then head
     Up, wheels
     To a ribbon of black
     & sets its sight

     For water. No
     Tears for him,
     He merely adjusts
     To no avail.
     The blackbird knows
     Weather as he thrusts
     His feathers into a whim
     & sail.
      
     His head nods.
     The wind is doing some-
     Where, but what
     Flutters through branches
     Is not wind,
     But a polished flit
     Of blackbirds handsome
     As boots. The wind is

     Going somewhere,
     But what flutters
     Through the branches
     Is not wind, but grackles.

                 (1970)

**
  OF PEACOCKS & A SLOW STATELY DANCE

pavan (n.)"slow, stately dance," 1530s, from French pavane (1520s), probably from Spanish pavana, from pavo "peacock" (from Latin pavo; see peacock), in reference to the bird's courting movements. But some see an Italian origin and trace the name to Padovana "Paduan." Possibly it is a merger of two distinct dance words.
     
   from The Online Etymological Dictionary

**

BITS & PIECES OF A MISPLACED LIFE

 
  
 THINKING
  
 "Words do not seem to play any role in my 
mechanism of thought. I seem to use more or 
less clear images of a visual type, combined 
with some muscular feeling. These vaguely play 
together, combining with each other, without 
any logical construction in words and signs 
which could be communicated to others."
                    ALBERT EINSTEIN
  

 
 **
 Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care 
what else is on TV. 
 Jerry Seinfeld
  
 That is how the mind of a top-flight comedian
 works. My mind when, at odd moments, it 
 thinks does not think like that. Most of the
 time my thoughts are in free fall, the larger
 parachute called ideas rarely opens. For
 example, when I was in college I enjoyed 
thinking about naked women. I still do, but 
now I wonder how different my life would be 
if the Philosophy Department had changed its 
name to THINKING ABOUT NAKED PEOPLE just how 
successful that Major would have been. I cannot 
think of any Student I knew not signing up for 
it. The Chair of the Department would soon be 
paid more than the football coaches. Philosophy 
teachers would be needed by the dozens. Final 
exams would be fun to take, and our nation’s 
low opinion about critical thinking would 
change overnight.
                      LJP
**
  
  
   

  MOVIE WISDOM
 
 "When a man is wrestling a leopard in the middle 
of a pond, he is in no position to run."
  
 Cary Grant's character in the classic screwball 
comedy directed by Howard Hawks --"Bringing Up 
Baby”


**
 I recall going to the Roxy when the Duke Ellington 
band was there, and when the film ended and the 
orchestra rose out of the pit playing “Take the 
A Train," the top of my head blew off. From then 
on, any movie set in New York had me.

  Woody Allen. Apropos of Nothing. 
 --
  **

SCI-FI

 Bruce Weber of The New York Times (December 6, 
2008)  began the obituary of this man with the 
following:

     It’s a common claim that someone is the world’s 
biggest fan of such-and such. Elizabeth Taylor’s 
biggest fan . The biggest fan of the New York’s Jets. 
The world’s Biggest country music fan.  Hardly anyone 
takes such a designation  seriously, except perhaps 
when it comes to _________   ________, whose 
obsessive  devotion to science fiction and horror 
stories was so fierce that he helped propel their
 popularity. Indeed, he was widely credited with 
  coining the term sci-fi.
  
  
 Can you identify the man who coined the term sci-fi?
  
 
 Forrest J Ackerman. According to Bruce Weber:  
“Mr. Ackerman said he came up with ‘sci-fi’ in 
1954. He was driving in a car with his wife 
when he  heard a radio announcer say ‘Hi-fi.’ 
he term, sci-fi just came reflexively and 
unbidden out of his mouth.
   **
 
  
THE POLITICAL SCIENCE FINAL EXAM
 
 Please answer the essay question in the blue 
book provided. 
 
  In October 2020, Televangelist Pat Robertson 
announced that  God told him that Donald Trump
 would win the Presidential election.  Why did
 God lie to Pat Robertson? 

**

Dear Editors:

  I beg to differ with the New York Times headline
 that refers to Marjorie Taylor Greene's destructive fantasies as "remarks". Gertrude Stein remarked
 that  "Remarks are not literature," but hate speech 
is not a casual remark. Free speech is one issue
so many Trump-driven supporters do not understand. 
calling for Nancy Pelosi to be killed or accusing 
Jewish persons of starting forest fires with lasers 
from a distant planet is the equivalent to yelling 
"fire" in a crowded theater. Using "free speech" 
as a catch-all to spread false narratives and to
express disdain for truth and scientific fact 
creates a poisonous environment that kills freedom, 
drains the oxygen from the air that true speech 
needs to thrive in. Not all speech is equal,
nor is all speech free. Words can kill.  

Sincerely,

Louis Phillips


**
AS IF ONE COULD LIVE ON LIGHT ALONE
  
 The moon with its bad eye
 Is a midnight feast.
 Why are so many of us 
 Dining at the wrong table? 
**

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